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Discipline: It Starts Before Birth

Article written by Leigh Rochelle-Woodley, MS.Ed., Licensed Mental Health Counselor in private practice with Radiant Wellness Counseling Center serving Monroe and Wayne Counties.

Frustration with children’s behavior and fighting over how to discipline are the entry points for many parents into counseling. Discipline can be a lightning rod for conflict and long-term problems between parents.

Getting a good start with discipline begins with determination to learn effective ways to discipline. By planning ahead, parents who talk with each other about what discipline means to each other and how to discipline before the birth of a child are a giant step ahead on the road to decide how to discipline.

-- Discuss how each of you was disciplined as a child and what worked and did not work
-- Begin with a discussion of why it is important to use discipline (some people use discipline interchangeably with punishment)
-- For your children, use your goals and desired outcomes for making discipline choices; for example, the goal of discipline is to teach and guide children
-- Children must know what is expected of them and, as they grow older, they will learn how to manage their behaviors by how their parents communicate and respond to the behaviors. Discipline is grounded in the needs and temperament of each child at each stage of development. And, your goals for teaching your children about belonging, being part of a family and getting along with others, is the foundation.
-- Plan ahead! Babies are very needy little beings with incredible amounts of energy that demand incredible amounts of time. Organization and support systems are needed by all parents for survival.

Infancy: Creating routines and responding to an infant’s immediate needs (hunger, changing dirty diapers, sleep, loving touch, eye contact and stimulation) are the foundation for discipline, natural connections and boundaries. The rhythms of daily life and routines are the beginning of expectations. A newborn infant needs physical comfort, love and interaction with its parent(s) and family.